almost there.....

so I must admit I am counting down the days until my test. So many people have asked if I am nervous - not really. At this point I have done my job and the test results are going to be what they will be. I am just anxious to get the thing over with and have the results. I have placed a freeze on any heavy thinking, planning, or worrying until after the tests. I sort of feel like it is a waste of time to make any decision until after next week. I just have to ride this wave until it lands me on whatever shore is my destiny.

My hair is growing back faster than I expected. Charlotte associates my hair growth with recovery and gets excited every day that mommy has hair. I wish it was that simple. Hey maybe it is and my cutie pie knows something I don't.

A recent picture of the pink lady.

I pray she, Alex, and Lee never have to go through any of this cancer bull shit.

Long weekend

Dave and I will enjoy the long weekend with the kids. Dave actually gets a break from work and all the travelling he has been doing.

Lee and Charlotte have been taking swimming classes and are eager for the swimming pools to open up. Luckily my mom has a pool at her place and Louise has a beach in her community. Plenty of free swimming to fill the summer months.

I am still focusing on enjoying the moment and not stressing about these looming tests. Gratefully the weather is awesome around here, I have a yard full of beds to plant, and 3 kids to keep me busy.

Enjoy the holiday weekend.

Creepy crawlies are gone

We are a lice free household again. I will have to treat the kids again before the weekend to make sure everything is dead but we should be in the clear. All of their teddy bears are clean and some came out of the dryer with a new hairdo.

I am trying to remind myself daily (hourly) to chill out during these few remaining weeks before my PET scan. The test is always out there looming over my head. When people ask how I am doing it's kind of like - well we find out in June if all the treatment worked. Essentially over one years worth of treatment will either pass or fail come this June. I can't say enough how much I pray this journey with cancer is over. I am quite honestly done with cancer. I don't want to talk about it, go to the appointments, get any more treatments - none of it! I am such a pain in the ass when I have to go to Hopkins now. I am sure they feel the same way about me - let's get here the heck out of our hair.

I know a couple people that are gearing up for mini transplants and I cringe at the thought. The mini is what the docs recommend if my PET comes back poorly. It would require me living in Baltimore near Hopkins for 2 months. Definitely not the way I plan to spend my summer vacation.

I will continue to try to chill out, enjoy the kids, Dave, and life. What will be will be - no sense in worrying about it.

Lice

Charlotte and Lee have lice! Someone from school had it and it spread to the other students. Let me just say lice is mother natures way of making you do 50 zillion loads of laundry! Their room looks so bare since I removed all the stuffed animals on their beds. For those of you who have been here you know that I am not kidding when I say I filled 4 trash bags full of stuffed animals. I don't know how they sleep with them but they do. They are already requesting them back and I just finished up the loads of their bedding and pillows.....my kids don't have any patience. Like mother like son/daughter.

Luckily Dave, Alex, and I have been spared.

So the kids are home from school hanging out playing while I fold endless amounts of laundry. Still better than going to Hopkins!

Test results are back for Alex and he is free of infection - great news. So now we just have to get him evaluated at Children's in June. I am holding out hope that this was just some simple infection and there isn't anything major wrong with the little guy.

I was at Hopkins today and my counts are coming back up. My liver functions are also good and my shingles are almost gone. I shouldn't have to go back up until June for the PET scan!!!! I am so sick of the drive, getting blood draws, and just the entire scene. A break is long overdue and I am thrilled I get some time away.

I am pretty fatigued lately so I plan to rest up and relax until the tests in June.

Update on Keith

For the family here is an update from Linda on uncle Keith -

Keith is home.....His back is very tender and it spasms. For the most part he will be able to function on his own. He will be off work at least 8 weeks maybe longer. It will take us a couple of days to get the house comfortable for him. He has a removable cast but really needs to wear it except when he is in bed. Right now he needs my help to get the bugger on and off. I know as the vertebra heal he will be able to do this himself.......I have attached pictures of the explorer. Keith's comment to your Dad when he first came to the hospital was Heather shouldn't get all of the attention!

My uncle Keith is doing better from what dad says. He has no brain injury, they are fitting him for a brace and then will release him from the hospital. I am sure there are more details I am not aware of but I am just happy he is on the mend.

Alex had his follow up appointment at the doctors. He still has white blood cells showing up in his urine taken from a bag collection. They did another catheter to get a clean catch. I think the test traumatized Dave more than Alex. We should get the results back soon and find out if he still has an infection. In the meantime we have an appointment with the pediatric urologist the first week of June.

The first week of June will be a big time in our family with my test results and Alex's. I am taking the month of May off from worry and stress. We will have enough of that this June.

Lastly our little Leland has lost his first tooth! He is so excited and looking forward to the tooth fairy visiting tonight. Such a big boy loosing teeth and getting ready for kindergarten this fall.

My prayers go out to many others today. First my uncle Keith got into a bad car accident yesterday and is in the hospital. I hope he recovers quickly and my thoughts are with him and my aunt Linda. Thank god he is still alive.

Secondly my prayers go to the Coco's today. Alese Coco passed away yesterday and I can't imagine how awful they must feel. I have often thought about how hard it must be on parents who witness their children go through major illness. I count my blessings that my kids are healthy. The Coco's are very spiritual and I hope they are getting comfort from their family, community, and faith.

My medical status seems so trivial compared to what others are going through. I am thankful to be alive, out of the hospital, and with my family.

Shingles on their way out

My shingles began to feel better by the end of the week - meds must have finally kicked in. They are still on the move a bit but as long as they don't hurt I am happy! I just have to wear long sleeves around Alex and I should be able to avoid the whole chicken pox outbreak.

The kids had swimming class this weekend. They are both doing great and love the water. A women that works at the Y just finished up her treatment for breast cancer. It seems like cancer follows me wherever I go these days. I wonder when I will be the normal mom taking the kids to swim class.

Lee also had his orientation for kindergarten this fall. I can't believe he is getting ready for school. He is very excited and can't wait to shop for his school supplies and new backpack. I don't know how ready I am for kindergarten but there really isn't any choice is there.

Back to the hospital this week for some blood work. Alex will also have a follow up appointment this week to make sure his UTI is gone.

The shingles are spreading

Yep, they are spreading and not going away like I had hoped. The heat, sun, loud noises are all my enemy right now. I am pretty much staying inside, AC on, with low lights. I explained to Lee and Charlotte that they need to talk in their inside voices. Lee gets it but Charlotte is still not comprehending. Louise came and took Alex for a stay in Annapolis until I feel better or at least until Dave gets back from his business trip. I agree with Aunt Michele that Alex is the cutest baby ever but he still refuses to sleep through the night and definitely doesn't understand that crying isn't helping my pain. My worst fear however is that he will come down with chicken pox - something I don't have the energy to deal with right now.

The doctor says my shingles have to run their course and unless I develop a fever or they break out by my eye (win's me a trip to the hospital) I have to deal with the pain.

I am still hoping this is just a minor couple of day set back - I am so ready to enjoy life without rads, chemo, or trips to Baltimore. My body just needs to listen to my mind.

Shingles

Well I have shingles. This is the pits cause they hurt. I have them on my chest, upper arm, and back. I started the medication and hopefully it will stop them from spreading any further and reduce the pain. I had to negotiate to take a Tylenol in the evenings for pain.....they still don't want me to mask any possible fever. I won and actually get to take 1 pill before I go to bed. They would rather me take the oxycodeon which I absolutely hate. I despise being all drugged up. How could I respond well if something happened to the kids.

I also need to stay covered up around Alex since he could catch chicken pox if he comes in contact with my shingles. I would feel just awful if I gave him chicken pox. Alex is still taking his antibiotic for his UTI and hasn't developed any more fevers. He is such a cutie pie again smiling at everyone and flirting with the ladies. Leland was the same way - a big flirt and babe magnet. What is it about baby boys that is so intoxicating to women?

Well hopefully the shingles clear up fast and the pain goes away.